A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS.
I love you all and I am thinking of you constantly.
It's true. I can't help it.
Warm tidings and a few bisous,
your Madeline
25 December 2004
21 December 2004
Berlin
So, WHOA.
Hello, my dears.
I know, I've been lacking. It has been a while, hasn't it?
Shame on me.
But the problem is, I have no IDEA how I can put into words just how crazy this trip to Berlin really turned out to be. It changed a lot of things. It changed everything.
Shall I make a list?
THANKS TO Americans for Informed Democracy:
- I understand the connection between the Cold War and the War on Terror, and why that means Europe will never respect us again. (Also: [fall of the berlin wall: 11-9] / [WTC bombings: 9-11]. It's weird.)
- I understand that there is a large portion of the United States that thinks of the war in Iraq as a war on religion, a war on Islam, and they support that.
- I understand that we are more divided within ourselves than we realize.
- I understand the connection between Neo-Conservatism in the US and pre-enlightened, 17th century Europe.
- I understand that many European countries, including both France and Germany, are actually spreading propaganda against the United States.
- I see that China is on her way to overtaking both us and Europe, economically speaking, and we better be ready for it.
- I understand that the AIDS epidemic will soon take to us, too.
- I understand that the US is trying to be both a great country (a world power, an empire) and a good country (a humanitarian nation, a model of morality), but is succeeding at neither.
I understand all of these things. They make sense to me. They must make sense to you, too. And I'd explain them more, because they're important, and because they frighten me, but that's not the point. The point is that even though all of these little details prove a point, they don't change anything. They just are. They're just the depressingly looming facts of our existence. And I'm sorry that I learned them. I'm sorry that someone made them clear, I'm sorry that all they do is make me feel more insignificant, I'm sorry that everything we do to change them basically collapses at our feet.
But, here is how it changed my life.
Through the influence of a few BRILLIANT college students and their pricy, well-earned college educations, I was taught that it will all work out. In the end, people become educated, people come around, people talk, people see. People come together. It's inevitable. The only variable, the only unknown in this whole mess is how long it will take, and therefore, what we will have to endure in the meantime.
All of this mess, it's just a matter a patience.
And, well, we all know patience is not one of my strong points.
But in the mean time, I'll amuse myself in France.
Christmas is just around the corner, and with it, Italy.
Since when did I become the luckiest girl in the world? Anyone? Anyone?
Berlin, otherwise, was great. I befriended lots of college kids studying abroad, and became really close with a girl at my own school. Cara Beth Rogers. She's in London right now, with family. We spent one of the nights together wandering the city. We snuck onto the roof of a Westin hotel, their private Christmas garden. It was just about the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Berlin is magical, it was casting winter spells.
It showed me that I will do something with my life. I will. I will DO SOMETHING. SOMETHING that makes a difference. I am determined now, you see. I am adamant.
We're all free, traveling, resting. Thank god for break. I haven't left the house in 4 days. AH I'm so gross, BUT I LOVE IT.
At the moment, everything makes me happy.
Especially you all. Thank you.
I'll be around. Merry Christmas, if I don't talk to you before then. And have Happy New Year.
Until Next Time,
"They are a nocturne
in argent and gold, and they burn
with the ferocity
of dying (which is to say, the luminosity
of what's living hardest.)"
:: Mark Doty, "Four Cut Sunflowers, One Upside Down"
COUNTDOWN to Christmas/Italy: 4 days
COUNTDOWN to my birthday (hey, why not??): 23 days
COUNTDOWN to return: 162 days
Hello, my dears.
I know, I've been lacking. It has been a while, hasn't it?
Shame on me.
But the problem is, I have no IDEA how I can put into words just how crazy this trip to Berlin really turned out to be. It changed a lot of things. It changed everything.
Shall I make a list?
THANKS TO Americans for Informed Democracy:
- I understand the connection between the Cold War and the War on Terror, and why that means Europe will never respect us again. (Also: [fall of the berlin wall: 11-9] / [WTC bombings: 9-11]. It's weird.)
- I understand that there is a large portion of the United States that thinks of the war in Iraq as a war on religion, a war on Islam, and they support that.
- I understand that we are more divided within ourselves than we realize.
- I understand the connection between Neo-Conservatism in the US and pre-enlightened, 17th century Europe.
- I understand that many European countries, including both France and Germany, are actually spreading propaganda against the United States.
- I see that China is on her way to overtaking both us and Europe, economically speaking, and we better be ready for it.
- I understand that the AIDS epidemic will soon take to us, too.
- I understand that the US is trying to be both a great country (a world power, an empire) and a good country (a humanitarian nation, a model of morality), but is succeeding at neither.
I understand all of these things. They make sense to me. They must make sense to you, too. And I'd explain them more, because they're important, and because they frighten me, but that's not the point. The point is that even though all of these little details prove a point, they don't change anything. They just are. They're just the depressingly looming facts of our existence. And I'm sorry that I learned them. I'm sorry that someone made them clear, I'm sorry that all they do is make me feel more insignificant, I'm sorry that everything we do to change them basically collapses at our feet.
But, here is how it changed my life.
Through the influence of a few BRILLIANT college students and their pricy, well-earned college educations, I was taught that it will all work out. In the end, people become educated, people come around, people talk, people see. People come together. It's inevitable. The only variable, the only unknown in this whole mess is how long it will take, and therefore, what we will have to endure in the meantime.
All of this mess, it's just a matter a patience.
And, well, we all know patience is not one of my strong points.
But in the mean time, I'll amuse myself in France.
Christmas is just around the corner, and with it, Italy.
Since when did I become the luckiest girl in the world? Anyone? Anyone?
Berlin, otherwise, was great. I befriended lots of college kids studying abroad, and became really close with a girl at my own school. Cara Beth Rogers. She's in London right now, with family. We spent one of the nights together wandering the city. We snuck onto the roof of a Westin hotel, their private Christmas garden. It was just about the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Berlin is magical, it was casting winter spells.
It showed me that I will do something with my life. I will. I will DO SOMETHING. SOMETHING that makes a difference. I am determined now, you see. I am adamant.
We're all free, traveling, resting. Thank god for break. I haven't left the house in 4 days. AH I'm so gross, BUT I LOVE IT.
At the moment, everything makes me happy.
Especially you all. Thank you.
I'll be around. Merry Christmas, if I don't talk to you before then. And have Happy New Year.
Until Next Time,
"They are a nocturne
in argent and gold, and they burn
with the ferocity
of dying (which is to say, the luminosity
of what's living hardest.)"
:: Mark Doty, "Four Cut Sunflowers, One Upside Down"
COUNTDOWN to Christmas/Italy: 4 days
COUNTDOWN to my birthday (hey, why not??): 23 days
COUNTDOWN to return: 162 days
08 December 2004
One vast conjugation of the verb TO SHINE
So, tomorrow I leave for BERLIN.
Right now I have more work that is humanly possible.
I have emailed Mark Doty. (my idol. Google him.)
I'm suspended in a state of anticipation so fierce, it is rivaled only by the last few days before my flight to France.
Is it snowing where you are?
It might never snow here.
Hopefully, I see some in Berlin.
The whole city is decorated for Christmas. Lights over every street, the big departments stores have beautiful, extravagent windows. It's festive.
Last night, Pierre and Claire and I decorated the Christmas Tree. It's really beautiful. Lights and tinsel and little santas and a Nativity scene. It's a perfect tree. I couldn't sleep last night, and so I came downstairs and turned on the garland and sat in the dark on the couch next to the tree and watched it glitter against the glass. Watching a christmas tree sparkle is almost like being home.
Almost.
Joyeuses Fetes, everyone.
Until Next Time,
the rainbowed school
and it's acres of brilliant classrooms,
in which no verb is singular,
or every one is. How happy they seem
even on ice, to be together, selfless
which is the price of gleaming.
- Mark Doty, "A Display of Mackerel"
COUNTDOWN to Berlin: 1 day
COUNTDOWN to Christmas (/Italy): 17 days
COUNTDOWN to return: 175 days
Right now I have more work that is humanly possible.
I have emailed Mark Doty. (my idol. Google him.)
I'm suspended in a state of anticipation so fierce, it is rivaled only by the last few days before my flight to France.
Is it snowing where you are?
It might never snow here.
Hopefully, I see some in Berlin.
The whole city is decorated for Christmas. Lights over every street, the big departments stores have beautiful, extravagent windows. It's festive.
Last night, Pierre and Claire and I decorated the Christmas Tree. It's really beautiful. Lights and tinsel and little santas and a Nativity scene. It's a perfect tree. I couldn't sleep last night, and so I came downstairs and turned on the garland and sat in the dark on the couch next to the tree and watched it glitter against the glass. Watching a christmas tree sparkle is almost like being home.
Almost.
Joyeuses Fetes, everyone.
Until Next Time,
the rainbowed school
and it's acres of brilliant classrooms,
in which no verb is singular,
or every one is. How happy they seem
even on ice, to be together, selfless
which is the price of gleaming.
- Mark Doty, "A Display of Mackerel"
COUNTDOWN to Berlin: 1 day
COUNTDOWN to Christmas (/Italy): 17 days
COUNTDOWN to return: 175 days
02 December 2004
Le Coup de Main
I am weary of posting this in a public place, but I figure I can wipe the page from the history of this computer, and be done with it.
I am a part of this SECRET SOCIETY at my school which I happen to think is the coolest thing ever. Honestly. I wish it had been my idea, because then I would be cool. It's just awesome.
We call ourselves "Le Coup De Main" which is french for "A Helping Hand" (and, as there are five of us, it works out well...) and when any of the five of us (one from each class plus the founding member) see someone who's having a bad day, we report back, and then we all work together to get a little something organized to anonymously brighten that person's day. It is QUITE POSSIBLY the best thing in the whole world to see the look on someone's face when they read the note or wear the scarf or eat the candy and really SMILE.
Now, however many of you there are at Hawken, or at your own schools, reading this, I want you to email me if you could be at all interested in participating in a group like this so I can give guidelines or guidance or something for starting one. BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. And I know it sounds strange, in some form, but it's easy, and I know you will love it.
We just made our first pass this morning, and I shall post pictures some other day. God, warm fuzzy feelings should be used as money.
In other news:
I love you and I miss you and I'm just so happy.
Until Next Time, "Let there be light."
COUNTDOWN to return: ??? days
I am a part of this SECRET SOCIETY at my school which I happen to think is the coolest thing ever. Honestly. I wish it had been my idea, because then I would be cool. It's just awesome.
We call ourselves "Le Coup De Main" which is french for "A Helping Hand" (and, as there are five of us, it works out well...) and when any of the five of us (one from each class plus the founding member) see someone who's having a bad day, we report back, and then we all work together to get a little something organized to anonymously brighten that person's day. It is QUITE POSSIBLY the best thing in the whole world to see the look on someone's face when they read the note or wear the scarf or eat the candy and really SMILE.
Now, however many of you there are at Hawken, or at your own schools, reading this, I want you to email me if you could be at all interested in participating in a group like this so I can give guidelines or guidance or something for starting one. BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. And I know it sounds strange, in some form, but it's easy, and I know you will love it.
We just made our first pass this morning, and I shall post pictures some other day. God, warm fuzzy feelings should be used as money.
In other news:
I love you and I miss you and I'm just so happy.
Until Next Time, "Let there be light."
COUNTDOWN to return: ??? days
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