Berlin

So, WHOA.

Hello, my dears.

I know, I've been lacking. It has been a while, hasn't it?

Shame on me.

But the problem is, I have no IDEA how I can put into words just how crazy this trip to Berlin really turned out to be. It changed a lot of things. It changed everything.

Shall I make a list?

THANKS TO Americans for Informed Democracy:
- I understand the connection between the Cold War and the War on Terror, and why that means Europe will never respect us again. (Also: [fall of the berlin wall: 11-9] / [WTC bombings: 9-11]. It's weird.)
- I understand that there is a large portion of the United States that thinks of the war in Iraq as a war on religion, a war on Islam, and they support that.
- I understand that we are more divided within ourselves than we realize.
- I understand the connection between Neo-Conservatism in the US and pre-enlightened, 17th century Europe.
- I understand that many European countries, including both France and Germany, are actually spreading propaganda against the United States.
- I see that China is on her way to overtaking both us and Europe, economically speaking, and we better be ready for it.
- I understand that the AIDS epidemic will soon take to us, too.
- I understand that the US is trying to be both a great country (a world power, an empire) and a good country (a humanitarian nation, a model of morality), but is succeeding at neither.

I understand all of these things. They make sense to me. They must make sense to you, too. And I'd explain them more, because they're important, and because they frighten me, but that's not the point. The point is that even though all of these little details prove a point, they don't change anything. They just are. They're just the depressingly looming facts of our existence. And I'm sorry that I learned them. I'm sorry that someone made them clear, I'm sorry that all they do is make me feel more insignificant, I'm sorry that everything we do to change them basically collapses at our feet.

But, here is how it changed my life.

Through the influence of a few BRILLIANT college students and their pricy, well-earned college educations, I was taught that it will all work out. In the end, people become educated, people come around, people talk, people see. People come together. It's inevitable. The only variable, the only unknown in this whole mess is how long it will take, and therefore, what we will have to endure in the meantime.

All of this mess, it's just a matter a patience.

And, well, we all know patience is not one of my strong points.

But in the mean time, I'll amuse myself in France.

Christmas is just around the corner, and with it, Italy.

Since when did I become the luckiest girl in the world? Anyone? Anyone?

Berlin, otherwise, was great. I befriended lots of college kids studying abroad, and became really close with a girl at my own school. Cara Beth Rogers. She's in London right now, with family. We spent one of the nights together wandering the city. We snuck onto the roof of a Westin hotel, their private Christmas garden. It was just about the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Berlin is magical, it was casting winter spells.

It showed me that I will do something with my life. I will. I will DO SOMETHING. SOMETHING that makes a difference. I am determined now, you see. I am adamant.

We're all free, traveling, resting. Thank god for break. I haven't left the house in 4 days. AH I'm so gross, BUT I LOVE IT.

At the moment, everything makes me happy.

Especially you all. Thank you.

I'll be around. Merry Christmas, if I don't talk to you before then. And have Happy New Year.

Until Next Time,

"They are a nocturne
in argent and gold, and they burn

with the ferocity
of dying (which is to say, the luminosity

of what's living hardest.)"
:: Mark Doty, "Four Cut Sunflowers, One Upside Down"

COUNTDOWN to Christmas/Italy: 4 days
COUNTDOWN to my birthday (hey, why not??): 23 days
COUNTDOWN to return: 162 days